Doctor, Lawyer, MBA, 2-Degrees, 6feet Tall, Light Skin, Long Hair, Natural Hair, Baller, Luxury Car, 401K, Model Chick, Video Vixen, Exotic, Athlete, the list goes on and on. Between my female and male friends this list repeats itself over and over again in the “must haves, I’m searching for a mate category.” What perplexes me about this list is that our generation places status and wife/husband potential in this list as a dating rubric. I have known people to really like someone but refuse to take things further with them because they do not fall into their list of categories of what they expect their significant other/potential mate to be.
In attending homecoming and speaking with associates about dating, recent breakups, etc. This list was the common reasons for why folks broke up. It wasn’t cheating, bad sex, loosing interest, but the fact that they did not fall into what their ideal mate should “look like or be.” This was very upsetting because this was coming from highly educated individuals that have studied at the prestigious Spelman and Morehouse Colleges.
In a recap of the weekend with a very dear friend and sister who also observed the same comments made about potential mates/significant others, I got to thinking about my email signature. It reads, “We as a people must not let the world set the standard for what is deemed right, but God must set that standard for us. Be Yourself & Find A Way” In a nut shell, these associates are living in the world, wanting and yearning for what the world thinks/says they should have, but not what is right. If you have someone there that cares about you, is there through thick and thin, loves you for you, and may not be light skin, long hair or 6feet or make the 6figures that you want, be blessed and thankful for the things that they do provide you that money nor looks can bring. Money, Skin Color, Height, Hair Length, and Body Shape does not do anything for your health or well being. Yes, it may get you some cool points among your associates and friends but that is only temporary. We all know that what’s cool today may not be cool tomorrow.
Romans 12:2 “Don’t be conformed to the patterns of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your minds so that you can figure out what God’s will is–What is good and pleasing in nature.”
1 John 1:15-17 “Don’t love the world or the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in them. Everything that is in the world–the craving for whatever the body feels, the craving for whatever the eyes see, and the arrogant pride in one’s possessions—is not of the Father but is of the world. And the world and its cravings are passing away, but the person who does the will of God remains forever.
We are not to conform to the behavior and customs that are usually selfish and corrupt. We must not conform to the world’s values. Worldliness can be associated with the people we associate with, the places we go, and the activities we enjoy. It can also be internal and characterized by our attitudes and thoughts. 1) Cravings of whatever the body feels- Preoccupation with gratifying physical desires. (6feet, light skin, long hair, model chick, Video Vixen,Exotic) 2) Craving for whatever the eyes see- wanting and accumulating things, bowing to the God of materialism (Luxury Car, 401K, Baller) 3) Arrogant Pride in one’s possessions- Obsession with one’s status or importance ( Doctor, Lawyer, MBA, Athlete, Official, Celebrity)
God values self-control, a spirit of generosity, commitment to humble service, and LOVE. Women, strive to be the Virtuous Proverbs 31 Woman in your faith, service, finances, homemaking, time, and beauty. Quit looking for what a man can do for you, but change your energy to what you can provide for a man that is not materialistic or based on your looks. Men stop looking for the things of this world and look for a Virtuous woman that will help feed your soul and take care of you, not just to get accolades and praises from your buddies by having the trophy or baddest chick on your arm.
Now this brings me to another observation from homecoming…The unhappily married folks who were trying to get in and be single for the weekend. These folks use homecomings, classic weekends, All-Star, Honda and any other eventful weekend to relieve their singledom one more time to temporarily escape their unhappily married life. We all know what the divorce rates are for African Americans as well as in America. I believe that the reasons why these people are unhappy are because they married for the reasons of the world and not for the reasons the bible says we are to marry for. They wanted the trophy wife/husband, fabulous lifestyle, or the social status. Sad to say these things are only temporary and when the newness or fabulosity wears off, you have the unhappily married, which wishes they were single. Look at Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries. They barely were together 6months and the marriage lasted 72 days before they made it to splitsville. She thought she was marrying an athlete and he thought he was getting an exotic, model chick. Once again, a couple was building on things of the world and not of God.
It’s interesting that I can count on one hand the number of happily married folks I know, which is significantly lower than the number of unhappily married people I know. Out of all the happily married couples I know, one thing about them that is a constant is that they married their spouses not on worldly ideas/lust, but on the God they saw in each other. They all built their friendships/relationships on a spiritual foundation not a worldly one. When you look and see these couples interact you can see the love of God in each one of them. That is something that is missing from many relationships and marriages.
One of my favorite happily married couples is my best friend Adrienne and her husband Terek. I remember when they first met and started dating, even way back then, they put God first. This is one couple that truly lives for God and makes him ruler over their marriage and lives. Today is their third wedding anniversary. From their occupations to their hobbies and missions work everything they do, they do for the love of God. Feel free to read about them and their journey on their website. www.AdrienneandTerek.com Hopefully their story will encourage and inspire you, like it has me.
I know this post was kinda harsh and I may have stepped on a few of my close friends toes, but this was something that has been bothering me for awhile. I only want nothing but the best for my friends and associates. Hopefully this will encourage and touch at least one person to change their ways and views when it comes to dating and searching for a potential significant other.